Brian’s Reflection: Thursday, February 28, 2008


No [person] is exempt from saying silly things;
the mischief is to say them deliberately.

- Michel de Montaigne, philosopher, born
on this day, 1533, in Perigord, Bordeaux


Which gets me to the fascinating subject of Love. I seem to spend my life trying to understand the nature and character of Love - and I suppose that is OK, being in my “line of work”. But I actually think it “should” be everybody’s life-work. Certainly Christianity is essentially about Love/Compassion. I have that sense about Judaism, and Buddhism. Regrettably, through my own inexcusable lack of knowledge of Islam, I don’t know if a Muslim would say that Islam was essentially about Love. Must ask an Imam sometime soon.

I keep distinct Romance and Love. For me, Romance is lovely, but it’s a sub-set to Love. Romance, to me, has primarily to do with feelings - and feelings are notoriously slippery. On again, off again. People tend to bring flowers to their beloved when they feel good; I think it would be better to bring flowers when you don’t feel good about the relationship. You can extrapolate.

I also have come to think that Love is 95% an act of the will. One chooses, makes a conscious choice, to love, regardless of how one feels. In my own religious culture, I take this from Jesus, and other experiences in Life. One does not die for Love because it “feels” good - unless one is warped in some fashion! Chosen willful Love is clear and sharp and brilliant, not flabby and soft. Hence I can live with Dennis; I have no fear that transient feelings will take command of the choice to love.

I am very careful about using the word “love” in conversation or correspondence. As per Montaigne, I do not want to use it in a silly way. I want to be deliberate, to know that when I say “Love”, or “I love you”, or “Love to you”, I mean it.

It would be extremely detrimental not to be deliberate about Love.

Brian+